A Little Background…

So a little background is where I will start this journey, I have been married to my extremely understanding and supportive husband (Will now and forever be known as D) for 13 years.  Rewind 12 years back and we were patiently awaiting the arrival of our first son, I had been in the hospital for 3 days being induced with no luck so they were going in to get him.  We were elated and I felt like shit, excuse my language but my father literally was a truck driver so I have all kinds of “sentence enhancers” more on that later.  Three days after my son (will now be referred to as little d) was born they diagnosed me with heart failure from pregnancy (Peripartum Cardiomyopathy).  Imagine that I have this thing that I can always say- that he literally broke my heart. I was barely able to take care of me let alone another human being, it was the closest I have ever come to death before and I really thought that was going to be it for me.  Thankfully within 5 months I recovered and was given the news that if I get pregnant again the chances of me dying were pretty great.  I had a 10 year IUD put in and I won’t say I wasn’t a little hurt after being told that, it really got me down.  I had put it to the back of my mind and enjoyed every moment watching little D grow up and everything was going great…..

Until my dad died, if anyone was a daddy’s girl it was me.  I was the son he never had among three other sisters and the one that had no trouble getting dirty or wanting to help him.  His death hit our family hard, extremely hard and we all dealt with it in our own way. Honestly there are still days I feel like I can’t breathe.  We all felt like something was missing but we all move on with our lives.

So funny that with my feet in the stirrups at the OBGYN my dad laughing is all i could hear in my head….It started the week before when i was kidding with D and said,”if i didn’t know better i would think im pregnant”  about an hour later a text from D asking if it was possible, then me at Walmart to get a test to prove him wrong.  Except for the fact he wasn’t wrong it was positive-what the fuck were we going to do now!?

Found out i was 8 weeks along and was freaking the hell out, they had told me no they had said I would die.  Well after talking to a plethora of doctors we decided it was all going to be okay.  29 weeks later we were blessed with another son (here and forever E).  Ten years is a long time between kids and now I get to go through it all again, the good the bad and the ugly.  In a way it is nice because little D is so great with E and he also had 10 years of being an only child which could have made him jealous but instead made him amazing-it’s like that’s what was missing we were missing E and  now we are complete.  Funny that my dad had 4 girls and all he wanted was a boy, he had two grandsons born before he died and three more after!

So this is it, my adventures of doing it all over again ten years later, hey at least there’s a bunch of new gadgets and things that came out since the first!!!

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Author:

I am originally from Connecticut but have been living in Florida. I have a wonderful husband and two amazing boys. I am all about family and the ties that run deep within it. I am a stay at home mother, cloth diapering baby wearing, taking every minute in kind of person. I am an avid reader and I also enjoy writing and poetry. I am a survivor of Peripartum Cardiomyopathy (heart failure from pregnancy)

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